since i have been in MA 12 step i've also felt like im not getting much out of therapy. so much of what you wrote resonates for me, a recently autistic person. i was already not going to schedule any more appointments and this was a good reminder that my intuition is right, that things will never be fully healed and sometimes you actually have to live out everything you learned about instead of just learning and talking about it.
I just started becoming so afraid of going outside and interacting with people. Also WOOF appointments and the task switching. The actual worst. Thanks for sharing
I quit therapy, shadow work, and meditation three years ago and it felt so amazing and free to just… not go that deep within myself anymore. Sometimes I think I should start therapy again, but I really needed to take a break. Cannot tell you how good it felt to just stop.
YES. It feels so good to take a beat from all that rummaging and ruminating. I can just look out of my eyeballs and try to receive what's in front of me. I exchanged meditation for 15-minute naps and it's changed my life. Sending such love.
So good in every way. I often vascillate between "I'm going to start IFS work with my therapist and really go deep" and "I think I'm done for now, too much self-reflection." lolololol. As always, spot on. Thank you for your writing! And outside reminders!!
I don't think I've quit therapy but I'm definitely taking a break! I recently really enjoyed an auDHD therapy group at Scribble in Highland Park (super affordable spot for those in LA). Similar to you I want to go out more and live a little instead of in my head so much. Thanks for sharing your experience and I can't wait for your book!
Thank you for sharing the resource. I love highland park. Yeah, I just want to be less apprehensive about engaging with people and the outside world. It would be amazing to have a pre-vetted group of all neurodivergent people. That would be the dream.
Totally it should be a more accessible resource for adults, especially since most autism services end when we turn 18! I learned so much about myself and other neurospicy folks in that group and they really inspired me to be more creative and confident!
I never would have clocked you as ADHD or autistic, because you're so funny and engaging and personable and perfect in every way, to my brain (which subjectively seems way more fucked up than yours.) But, in the words of Axl Rose, welcome to the jungle! It gets worse here every day!
I also quit therapy because I couldn't afford it anymore, but i realized after doing it that I was finally taking responsibility for my own feelings and not just handing the mess to my excellent therapist. I grows up. Love you Choi!!!!
I find this interesting because I've been a member of a 12 step fellowship for 30 years and I'm kind of over it, in much the same way you are over therapy. I'm tired of the abuse, the harassment, the personality disorders, the chaos. As an autistic person, one on one sounds much more manageable and less deregulating.
This makes so much sense. I am recommending 12 step only to those you have never done them and cannot afford therapy for whatever reason. I’m in a similar place with 12 step as it relates to my “main program” right now and mainly do one-on-one weekly calls with former fellows who find themselves in similar positions. Everything gets a bit dogmatic and draconian. But I gotta say, the first time around was a godsend for me.
“this idea of my giving rise to characters who were destined to feel as lonely and frightened as I am”
You know what’s interesting? From my vantage point as a reader, I didn’t see your primary or even supportive characters as lonely. Take Jayne, for instance. The way she observes and notices the fine details of her reality is so high fidelity that, in my mind, this is the antithesis of loneliness. She is more in touch with the bare metal of the raw data of reality than most people will ever be. The intrinsic mystery and details of life is constantly being noticed in her radar of attention. Meaning she is fully connected into reality.
One of my favorite moments was when she goes into June’s high rise condo and talks about the auto lights in the hallway seeming sentient - like this is the kind of building that might try to kill you. These are details which most people, who have now been lobotomized by their phone, would never notice. Not only does she notice them, she harvests all the humor and joy available to be extracted via her rich vocabulary and imagination.
So even though these characters may have more challenges with their social relationships due to being inundated with data, it’s precisely that deluge of information which makes them so special and connected to reality.
Which is all to say, these characters are not cursed and lonely in my mind, quite the contrary - they are blessed and deeply relating.
since i have been in MA 12 step i've also felt like im not getting much out of therapy. so much of what you wrote resonates for me, a recently autistic person. i was already not going to schedule any more appointments and this was a good reminder that my intuition is right, that things will never be fully healed and sometimes you actually have to live out everything you learned about instead of just learning and talking about it.
I just started becoming so afraid of going outside and interacting with people. Also WOOF appointments and the task switching. The actual worst. Thanks for sharing
I quit therapy, shadow work, and meditation three years ago and it felt so amazing and free to just… not go that deep within myself anymore. Sometimes I think I should start therapy again, but I really needed to take a break. Cannot tell you how good it felt to just stop.
YES. It feels so good to take a beat from all that rummaging and ruminating. I can just look out of my eyeballs and try to receive what's in front of me. I exchanged meditation for 15-minute naps and it's changed my life. Sending such love.
So good in every way. I often vascillate between "I'm going to start IFS work with my therapist and really go deep" and "I think I'm done for now, too much self-reflection." lolololol. As always, spot on. Thank you for your writing! And outside reminders!!
I don't think I've quit therapy but I'm definitely taking a break! I recently really enjoyed an auDHD therapy group at Scribble in Highland Park (super affordable spot for those in LA). Similar to you I want to go out more and live a little instead of in my head so much. Thanks for sharing your experience and I can't wait for your book!
Thank you for sharing the resource. I love highland park. Yeah, I just want to be less apprehensive about engaging with people and the outside world. It would be amazing to have a pre-vetted group of all neurodivergent people. That would be the dream.
Totally it should be a more accessible resource for adults, especially since most autism services end when we turn 18! I learned so much about myself and other neurospicy folks in that group and they really inspired me to be more creative and confident!
I never would have clocked you as ADHD or autistic, because you're so funny and engaging and personable and perfect in every way, to my brain (which subjectively seems way more fucked up than yours.) But, in the words of Axl Rose, welcome to the jungle! It gets worse here every day!
I also quit therapy because I couldn't afford it anymore, but i realized after doing it that I was finally taking responsibility for my own feelings and not just handing the mess to my excellent therapist. I grows up. Love you Choi!!!!
love you! x
I find this interesting because I've been a member of a 12 step fellowship for 30 years and I'm kind of over it, in much the same way you are over therapy. I'm tired of the abuse, the harassment, the personality disorders, the chaos. As an autistic person, one on one sounds much more manageable and less deregulating.
This makes so much sense. I am recommending 12 step only to those you have never done them and cannot afford therapy for whatever reason. I’m in a similar place with 12 step as it relates to my “main program” right now and mainly do one-on-one weekly calls with former fellows who find themselves in similar positions. Everything gets a bit dogmatic and draconian. But I gotta say, the first time around was a godsend for me.
Oh dang that was you!
Sure was bud :)
“this idea of my giving rise to characters who were destined to feel as lonely and frightened as I am”
You know what’s interesting? From my vantage point as a reader, I didn’t see your primary or even supportive characters as lonely. Take Jayne, for instance. The way she observes and notices the fine details of her reality is so high fidelity that, in my mind, this is the antithesis of loneliness. She is more in touch with the bare metal of the raw data of reality than most people will ever be. The intrinsic mystery and details of life is constantly being noticed in her radar of attention. Meaning she is fully connected into reality.
One of my favorite moments was when she goes into June’s high rise condo and talks about the auto lights in the hallway seeming sentient - like this is the kind of building that might try to kill you. These are details which most people, who have now been lobotomized by their phone, would never notice. Not only does she notice them, she harvests all the humor and joy available to be extracted via her rich vocabulary and imagination.
So even though these characters may have more challenges with their social relationships due to being inundated with data, it’s precisely that deluge of information which makes them so special and connected to reality.
Which is all to say, these characters are not cursed and lonely in my mind, quite the contrary - they are blessed and deeply relating.
OMG this is so lovely. And fascinating framing. Thank you for this. I am flummoxed for words.